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Секретное интервью Антона Черникова

Команданте Че / Антон Черников

Секретное интервью Антона Черникова директора ООО «Сибирская клетчатка» корреспонденту популярного Московского аналитико-консультационно-развлекательного издания

Кор. Я слышал, Вы и «Сибирская клетчатка» собираетесь выставляться в столице на крупнейшей продовольственной выставке «ПРОДЭКСПО-2016», которая будет проходить 8-12 февраля 2016 года, павильон 2 зал 5 стенд 25В45? Чем будете удивлять на выставке?
Ант. К выставке готовим две новинки, обе не в нашем стиле: вкусные, хрустящие шарики и линию спортивных коктейлей.
Кор. Так этого хрустящего добра в магазинах полно, N…..E своими хрустящими завтраками скоро заполнит всю Землю и начнет отправлять в открытый космос, хотите «кусок пирога» оттяпать? Каким образом?
Ант. Все очень просто. Уже готовы 18 телероликов с участием Бреда Питта, Анджелины Джоли, Данилы Козловского и еще 6 великих артистов, лауреатов премии «Оскар». Мы запустим эти ролики по всем 156 телеканалам России в течение 30 дней по 56 раз в день.
Кор. (поднимая с ковра выпавшую челюсть) Откуда деньги?
Ант. Я потратил свои пенсионные накопления порядка 32 тысяч рублей.
Кор. А остальное?
Ант. Остальные согласились участвовать в рекламе новых товаров от «Сибирской клетчатки» даром, т.е. абсолютно бесплатно.
Кор. И первый канал!!!???
Ант. С первым каналом было легче всего. Сотрудники и руководство канала придерживаются здорового образа жизни, поэтому они согласились нам помочь, как только попробовали новые хрустящие шарики и узнали об их пользе.
Кор. Антон, Вы гений маркетинга! Я горжусь, что (корреспондент встал) стою рядом с Вами.
Ант. Вы знаете, 16 лет назад, когда я открывал производство Сибирской клетчатки, я был очень глуп. Но я сразу же начал есть клетчатку и заметил, что постепенно, стал умнеть и умнеть.

Кор. Я вижу, что и фигура у Вас в порядке. Спорт? Диеты? Все ради имиджа?
Ант. В день я прохожу 24 километра, дохожу до бассейна, в Томске открылся шикарный 50- метровый бассейн, и плыву дальше, затем диета до самого сна, утром все повторяется.
Кор. (Поднимает с пола выпавший глаз). Да ну!
Ант. Увы, я пошутил (Ни спорта, ни диет. Спасает клетчатка и умеренность в пище).
Кор. Последний вопрос о хрустящих шарах и перейдем к спорту. Мне не терпится понять, в чем сила Ваших хрустящих шаров?
Ант. Сила хрустящих шаров в правде! Наши шарики без кукурузы!
Кор. Как Вам – это удалось?! Вы просто гений пищевых процессов! Кукуруза и хрустящие продукты — это близнецы-братья.
Ант. Нам удалось прервать порочный круг. Молодые амбициозные технологи и огромный опыт старших товарищей, полгода непрерывных экспериментов, сотни съеденных мною проб. И пожалуйста, пробуйте результат!
Вкусные и полезные шарики без кукурузы, из пшеничных и ржаных отрубей, ржаной муки и других, пока секретных, добавок. Пробуйте.
Кор. (Хрустит полезными новинками, горстями засовывает их в рот).
Ант. (отодвигая от корреспондента пакет с новыми Сибирскими отрубями) Запейте водой, хрустящие шары полезны только с водой.
Кор. (Прожевав и наполнив все карманы хрустящими Сибирскими отрубями).
Поговорим о спорте. В чем новизна? Почему вздрогнули «монстры с Запада», доминирующие на рынке спортивного питания Европы, Востока и Антарктиды?
Ант. Достижения российских спортсменов во много раз выше, чем пищевиков. Русские чемпионы тратят деньги на импортное спортивное питание. А зарплаты у них не такие шоколадные, как у конкурентов. Мы решили помочь отечественному спорту и заложили «Силу Сибири» в наш продукт.
Кор. В Вашем спортивном питании присутствует нефть, или…газ?!
Ант. Ха-ха-ха. Спасибо за идею! Нефтяной коктейль, газовый стимулятор. При нынешних ценах создавать спортивные добавки из нефти очень перспективно и выгодно.
Кор. Если в Вашем питании нет нефти и газа, то в чем же его «Сила Сибири»?
Ант. Сила Сибири в тех растениях, которые борются за существование на ее территории. Представьте себе растение банан. 3 метра зеленой массы!

В каких условиях оно растет? Тепло, светло и мухи не кусают. Разве банан может быть продуктом СИЛЫ? Нет. Британские ученые давно доказали, что в банане содержится серотонин – гормон счастья. А теперь представьте Сибирь. Зима с октября по май! Морозы минус 30-40 градусов. Слюна замерзает на лету! Снег по шею, тракторы в сугробах теряются, трактористы в них так и живут до весны. Летом комары, мошка, клещи, зашел в лес на минутку…по нужде, неделю вся ж… в волдырях! То дожди, то жара, то засуха — за все лето две теплые ночи, остальное время в фуфайках ходим. Разве слабое растение в таком климате выживет?
Кор. И? Какой ужас!!!
Ант. Нам удалось невозможное. Живет в Томске знаменитая травница в третьем поколении. Есть у нее три уникальных сбора. Первый — богатырский, с травами, богатыми белком; второй-энергичный с тонизирующими травами и корнями; третий — стройный, для снижения веса. Никому до нас она формулу сборов не открывала.
Кор. А Вам почему открыла? Вы ее коррумпировали?
Ант. Увы, нам тоже не открыла, но согласилась готовить сборы для нашего производства. Она тоже за российских спортсменов болеет, фигуристов и лыжников.
Кор. То есть наши спортсмены будут есть Сибирскую траву и побеждать всех, кто ест бананы?
Ант. Конечно, а как иначе!
Кор. И футболисты?
Ант. С футболистами все намного сложнее. Многие из них «подсели на бананы», счастье есть, игра так себе, снять их с «банановой соски» поможет только «нефтяная игла», нефтяной коктейль и продувка сибирским газом, но – это в будущем. От идеи до продукта пройдет некоторое время.
Кор. Время к полночи, а мы с Вами все еще работаем. Очень хочется кушать.
Ант. (Наливает в стакан воды, всыпает две ложки спортивного порошка, размешивает, протягивает корреспонденту).
Кор. (Выпивает спортивный коктейль) Неплохо! Я чувствую прилив бодрости, и есть уже не хочется! Мышца пошла в рост (поглаживает свой живот). Готов продолжать беседу, хоть до утра! Что еще добавлено в спортивное чудо?
Ант. Волшебный сбор мы завариваем вместе с оболочкой злаков, пшеницы, ржи. Добавляем яблоко, семена Чиа (в них много белка и Омеги 3 и 6) и что-то еще. Далее продукт 6 часов экстрагируется в вакууме. Затем главное! Произносим 13 заклинаний, которые заряжают спортивный продукт волей к победе, оберегают от дурного судейства, защищают от травм и малярии.
Кор. Ох ты! Ух ты! Ах ты! Будем, как космонавты! Можно мне еще? Я хочу потребовать у редактора повышения зарплаты, думаю Ваш коктейль даст мне силы!
Ант. Наш коктейль поможет любому полезному делу, а также работе кишечника, усвоению полезных веществ, нормализации веса.
Кор. Можно, я возьму баночку, у меня в этом месяце много сложных дел, приезжает теща и без коктейля мне не справиться.
Ант. Возьмите три баночки. Теще тоже будет полезно. А нам пора прощаться.

Увидимся в Москве на выставке ПРОДЭКСПО с 8 по 12 февраля. Павильон 2 зал 5 стенд 25В45. Будем угощать полезными шарами и волшебным спортивным коктейлем. Приглашаем всех, кто хочет питаться правильно, быть активным и здоровым долгие годы!
Дорогие друзья! Вы, конечно же, поняли, что в нашем интервью есть доля шутки. Все остальное – правда. Надеюсь, чтение интервью подняло Вам настроение.
С уважением, Антон Черников директор ООО «Сибирская клетчатка»

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Секретное интервью Антона Черникова

Команданте Че / Антон Черников

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