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Как придумывают новые сорта кофе


Команданте Антон Че

Пример того, как мы можем придумать самые кративные тексты на любую тему. Обращайтесь, мы сделаем и Ваш текст нескучным и креативным!






На Земле немало фантазеров, которые придумывают для нас новые виды и сорта кофе.

Сколько на земле сортов кофе и откуда они взялись?! Конечно, мы реалисты, поэтому верим, что сорта кофе присутствуют на Марсе, украшают Венеру, цветут на Юпитере и кольцах Сатурна. Но наша статья не затронет инопланетные сорта кофе. Нас интересует земной продукт, земные сорта кофе.

Итак, не секрет, что в некоторых странах кофе растет, а в некоторых пока нет. Обидно, да?! Мичурины от кофеводства пытаются исправить природную несправедливость и порушить монополию жарких стран на выращивание кофе.

 

Над чем работают кофейные селекционеры

1.   Ученые-селекционеры из Сибири пытаются адаптировать различные сорта кофе к условиям вечной мерзлоты, ледяного дождя и снега.  Разные сорта кофе усиленно прививаются к кедру. Поговаривают, что в одном из Томских питомников выведен кедр, у которого в шишках вместо орехов будут зерна Колумбийского маргаджипа. Освоив грант в несколько сотен миллионов, ученые-селекционеры из Томска создали дерево кедрового кофе и заложили секретную кедровую плантацию. «Кофе-кедрики хорошо прижились и как обещают сибирские кофеманы-кедроводы, начнут плодоносить всего лишь через пару тройку десятков лет».

2.  Новые сорта кофе выводят и на Алтае. Энтузиасты-Лысенковцы с сельскохозяйственной опытной станции, из под города Бийска скрещивают разные сорта кофе с облепихой. "Новый кофе-облепих, будет иметь колоссальную урожайность и неповторимую кислинку", - утверждают авторы проекта. У новой кофе-облепихи косточки значительно больше самих ягод, еще немного селекции, и они достигнут нужного размера.

 

В Чуйской долине скрещивают кофе и коноплю. "Новый сорт кофе будет обладать волшебной притягательностью", - говорит председатель картеля, он же директор колхоза им. Клары Цеткин – Байрула Кумаров.


3. Не отстают от Сибиряков и Алтайцев Киргизские ботаники. В Чуйской долине скрещивают кофе и коноплю. "Новый сорт кофе будет обладать волшебной притягательностью", - говорит председатель картеля, он же директор колхоза им. Клары Цеткин – Байрула Кумаров.

4. Но самым грандиозным успехом обещает увенчаться проект Краснодарских рисоводов. В рамках импортозамещения, при поддержке министерства, рис превращается в кофе. "Мы планируем снимать по два урожая кофе-риса в год", - говорит наш источник в министерстве. В 2026 году, обещает источник в министерстве, Россия станет ведущим экспортером кофе в мире, обогнав Бразилию, Колумбию и Вьетнам.

 

Новые виды кофе. Без ограничений

Но не только селекция рождает новые сорта кофе. Зоологи-экспериментаторы наступают им на пятки в создании новых сортов. Кофе Лювак, кофе Жако, кофе Черный бивень уже знакомы ценителям редких, эксклюзивных сортов кофе. Но впереди еще много новинок - кофе с плесенью из Франции, кофе Кэмелкофе от Израильских Бедуинов. Кофе Жабакке опять же от французов.


Кого только кофейные фантазеры не принуждают есть кофейные зерна. Креативные производители буквально засирают рынок новыми и необычными кофе-сортами.

Скоро в продаже мы увидим виды кофе, пропущенные через кишечник выхухоли - выхухокофе, кишечник моржа - «кофе моржевый», кенгуру - «сумчатый кофе» и даже некоторых представителей редких человеческих народностей.

Не отстают и представители социальных конфессий, они группируются и создают фермерские хозяйства по выпуску своего, социального кофе. Вегетарианский кофе, йога-кофе, пролетарский, феминистический и даже пигмей-гей-кофе. Задумываются о своем кофе и в армиях некоторых африканских стран. Запах и вкус обещает быть неподражаемым. Подобная инициатива исходит из мест лишения свободы. Заключенные одной из северных колоний России готовы поехать добровольцами в Колумбию и начать возделывать там свой, особый вид - чифир-кофе.

 
 Не могу не упомянуть производителей Иван-чая, которые смело экспериментируют, пополняя бесконечную линейку своей продукции. Обогащают напиток кофейным листом - Хуан-кофе и активно экспериментируют с местными породами домашних животных, пытаясь воссоздать Сибирский чай по технологии кофе Лювак.

Не могу не упомянуть производителей Иван-чая, которые смело экспериментируют, пополняя бесконечную линейку своей продукции. Обогащают напиток кофейным листом - Хуан-кофе и активно экспериментируют с местными породами домашних животных, пытаясь воссоздать Сибирский чай по технологии кофе Лювак. По некоторым данным результат эксперимента уже имеется в продаже. Не пропустите!

 

Как вы уже поняли, дорогие любители погорячее... Жизнь напитка не стоит на месте. Кофейная отрасль развивается. На смену старым,  надоевшим маргаджипам и лювакам приходят новые, оригинальные сорта и разновидности древнейшего напитка. Желаю каждому любителю выбрать свой сорт кофе, а если это не получится, создать, или, в крайнем случае, вырастить свои сорта кофе и неважно, в каком климате, на каком материке и даже на какой планете вы живете.



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Как придумывают новые сорта кофе

Команданте Антон Че

Пример того, как мы можем придумать самые кративные тексты на любую тему. Обращайтесь, мы сделаем и Ваш текст нескучным и креативным!

Секретное интервью Антона Черникова

Команданте Че / Антон Черников

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